


Selective Mutism

by resonae



Series: Golden Silence [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Disability, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 08:13:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3643089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resonae/pseuds/resonae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selective mutism - an anxiety disorder in which a person who is normally capable of speech does not speak in specific situations or to specific people</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selective Mutism

Hakyeon has seen the pretty lady before, a lot of times. She’s his oldest sister’s friend, and she comes over all the time. But this time, she’s holding the hand of a little boy. 

Hakyeon had thought the  _lady_  was pale, especially compared to him and his sister, but this boy is even paler. He looks almost  _sick_. He’s shuffling his feet and clutching onto the lady’s hand, dark bangs falling into his eyes when he bows his head. He keeps glancing up at Hakyeon, and then averting his eyes as soon as their eyes meet. “Hakyeon,” the lady says – he remembers her name is Hyejin – and kneels down to smile at him. “This is Taekwoon, my little brother. He’s your age, but he’s really shy. I thought it’d be nice if you two got to know each other.” 

Hakyeon glances over at Taekwoon, who’s now biting his lower lip. Taekwoon looks up at him, nervously, and then drops his gaze back down to the floor. “Is he sick? Is that why he’s so pale?” 

Hyejin laughs and prods Taekwoon forward. “No, he’s just always pale.” 

“They’re like oreos,” Hakyeon’s sister laughs. “Hakyeon, be nice, okay? If you need anything, we’ll be right downstairs.” And just like that, the two women head downstairs, waving.  

Hakyeon tilts his head, examining Taekwoon. Taekwoon’s got his head bowed still, fidgeting his fingers nervously. “I’m not a bad person,” Hakyeon tells him, and Taekwoon glances up at him, and then ducks his gaze again. “I have cookies! Want some cookies?” 

Taekwoon looks up for the first time, eyes darting around Hakyeon’s room. Hakyeon scrambles to the drawer that he keeps the cookies that his sister bought him. He takes the package out and offers one to Taekwoon, who takes it and nibbles at it. It takes him a while to get through it, but Hakyeon offers him another one when he’s done and he does it again, and again, until Hakyeon just leaves the pack open on the floor.  

Hakyeon brings out his toy cars and robots and Taekwoon watches him play, slowly nibbling on the cookies. Hakyeon offers him some of the toys but Taekwoon shakes his head, leaning against Hakyeon’s bed. Hakyeon offers him a pillow and Taekwoon takes it, hugging it as he nibbles on his next cookie. Taekwoon watches him play, like he really is interested, so Hakyeon puts on a show for Taekwoon, explaining to him how Bumblebee is going to rescue the world and how he’s gonna own a Camaro one day because he wants a Bumblebee of his own, and Taekwoon shyly smiles. “Hey!” Hakyeon grins. “You smiled! It was a nice smile! Do it again!” 

Taekwoon shakes his head rapidly, ducking his head again, but Hakyeon tilts his head so he can see Taekwoon’s face and Taekwoon is still shyly smiling. 

Hakyeon gives Taekwoon his Optimus Prime robot. Not the old one that he broke, but the new one that his brother just bought for him. “Wow, Hakyeon, are you sure?” Hyejin asks, examining the robot clutched in her brother’s hand. 

“Yeah! I have another one, so it’s okay. Taekwoon just has to promise me to come over all the time. Right? That’s okay, noona, right?” 

Hakyeon’s sister ruffles his hair. “If that’s what Taekwoon wants, of course that’s fine.” 

Taekwoon smiles shyly at Hakyeon before ducking his head and nodding, hugging the robot to his chest. 

— 

It turns out the reason why Taekwoon’s sister brought Taekwoon over was because they’d moved nearby, and so Taekwoon and Hakyeon see each other almost every day. Taekwoon gets comfortable enough with Hakyeon to start pushing him away whenever Hakyeon hangs onto him too much, but Hakyeon sees the shy smile on his lips every time and he knows Taekwoon likes him, too. He sleeps over at Taekwoon’s house as often as he sleeps in his own house, which is also just about as often as how often Taekwoon sleeps over at his house.  

They go to elementary school together and are in the same class, and Hakyeon and Taekwoon sit right next to each other because of their last name. They’re both pretty diligent in their studies (or as much as first graders can be with their studies), but Hakyeon makes fast friends with a lot of people and Taekwoon just doesn’t. He doesn’t talk or even look at anyone else, and spends his entire day with his head bowed unless Hakyeon’s right next to him. 

Hakyeon doesn’t think much of it. He just stays next to Taekwoon all the time anyway, and nothing changes except one day, they’re in 3rd grade, and Taekwoon’s parents get called to the school, they go to some kind of hospital and later at night when Hakyeon hasn’t even eaten dinner because he’s worried about Taekwoon, Hakyeon’s sister calls Hakyeon down. 

"Hakyeon, Taekwoon’s back from the hospital." 

"Is he sick?" Hakyeon asks, worry gnawing at his insides. He  _knew_  something was wrong with Taekwoon. Taekwoon’s too pale to be healthy. He’s going to have to stay by Taekwoon’s side forever, protect him from the bad things. 

"No, he’s.. He’s not sick in the traditional sense." Hakyeon’s sister smiles, a little uncertainly. "Hakyeon, does Taekwoon talk to you?" The answer to that is no, but Hakyeon doesn’t need Taekwoon to talk to him because he can read Taekwoon like a book anyway. He tells his sister so and his sister smiles, nodding and ruffling his hair. "Hakyeon, Taekwoon is a little different. He has the ability to talk, but he’s.." She stops, trailing off for a moment. "Yeonie, you know how you’re afraid of spiders?" Hakyeon nods, shivering just at the thought of that. "For Taekwoon, talking is like that. He’s afraid of talking to other people, even his friends like you. He can’t make friends because he’s scared of other people, and it’s… hard for him. Do the kids at school make fun of him, Yeonie?" 

Hakyeon tries really hard to think. They don’t really. “Not… really? I don’t understand. How come he’s scared of talking to me? He’s my best friend.” 

"Why are you scared of spiders?" 

"Because they’re gross!" Hakyeon makes a face. 

"It’s kind of like that. Talking makes Woonie really, really scared. Spiders don’t make Woonie scared, right? But it makes you scared. It’s the same thing. Talking doesn’t make you scared, but it makes Woonie scared. I know it’s a little hard to understand." 

Hakyeon thinks for a bit. It doesn’t matter, he thinks. Taekwoon is still his best friend, and he can understand Taekwoon even if he doesn’t talk. “Can I go see him? Is he tired?” 

Hakyeon’s sister smiles warmly down at him and ruffles his hair. “No, you can go see him. Yeonie, when you get older, other kids might start picking on Woonie because he doesn’t talk, okay? You have to protect him, all right?” 

"Okay!" 

— 

They grow older, and true to Hakyeon’s sister’s words, kids start picking on Taekwoon from middle school, when Hakyeon and Taekwoon are in different classes for the first time. Taekwoon just keeps his head bowed when the poke at his cheeks and pull at his hair, before Hakyeon comes storming in during break, pushes all of them away and tugs Taekwoon out so they can go to the yard. 

"They’re stupid," Hakyeon grumbles, taking the lunchbox Taekwoon offers him. Taekwoon just shrugs, looking a little beaten. He’s looking a little more and more defeated every day, and it gnaws at Hakyeon. "Woonie, you know they’re idiots, right? They’re just jealous that the teachers like you because you’re such a good student and you don’t have to talk." 

Taekwoon shrugs with one shoulder again and sighs. It’s not that Taekwoon doesn’t make noise. Sometimes Hakyeon can get a soft laugh out of him, one that sounds like a cough and a sigh at the same time but is really a laugh. Taekwoon always sighs when Hakyeon gets too clingy, and he hiccups when he cries. So it’s not that he’s silent. He just… doesn’t talk. And Hakyeon’s all right with that. 

— 

They go to the same high school because they both study their asses off, although still in different classes, and Hakyeon learns for the first time what Taekwoon has is selective mutism, and a mild case of social anxiety.  

He also, for the first time, realizes he’s got feelings for Taekwoon that’s a lot more than just friendship. And for the first time, he has a wet dream not about the women he’s seen in porn, or the pretty girls in class, but about Taekwoon. 

And he avoids Taekwoon after that, feeling guiltier than anything else that he’s made his best friend - his friend for life, who depends on him every single day and still packs him lunch and helps him study - into a sex object. 

"How come you aren’t hanging out with Taekwoon lately?" Hongbin asks. Hakyeon’s known Hongbin since middle school, and they’re pretty close friends except Hakyeon puts Taekwoon at first place above everything else. 

"Oh. Uh. I am." Hakyeon mumbles, feeling his cheeks heat up. The dreams about Taekwoon won’t stop, and it’s stupid because Taekwoon would probably do none of the things he dreams about, even  _if_ Taekwoon did have feelings for him. Hakyeon’s learning he’s got a lot of fetishes. He’s not so sure he can face Taekwoon ever again. 

Hongbin shrugs. “You two were like, attached at the hip. Until like two weeks ago. Did you two fight? You pissed Taekwoon off, didn’t you? I can’t imagine he’d ever piss  _you_  off. Did you two have a lovers’ spat?” 

"What’s that supposed to mean," Hakyeon grumbles.  

Hongbin raises an eyebrow. “You don’t know the rumors? Everyone’s saying you two are gay with each other. I mean, I know the two of you - at least I know  _you_  and I kind of know Jung Taekwoon - so I know the rumors aren’t true, but you know what idiots say. I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with it, even if you two were. I don’t judge.” 

Hakyeon grumbles and buries his face in his arms. He knows the rumors. He’s mostly ignored it because it was stupid, but now apparently it’s not so stupid anymore, not that he actually does have feelings for Taekwoon. He feels like he’s in some cheap drama.  

Hongbin doesn’t seem to be aware of his internal dilemma and continues, “Well, I hope you two make up, because I think he’s getting bullied and honestly he doesn’t deserve it.” 

Hakyeon’s head shoots up. “What?” Hongbin raises an eyebrow. “He gets bullied?” 

"Yeah? I mean, the kid doesn’t talk. He’s a pretty big target." 

"He - but he’s a  _giant_.” Hakyeon had always been taller than Taekwoon when they were younger, but Taekwoon had hit a growth spurt during the first year of high school and he’d grown tall and his shoulders had filled out. He’s easily one of the tallest kids in school. “How could people pick on him?” 

Hongbin shrugs. “He’s tall, yeah, but he’s built like a stick. Plus he doesn’t fight back. He had you as a shield, but now that you two aren’t attached-“ 

Hakyeon bursts up and doesn’t let Hongbin finish. He’s running toward Taekwoon’s class, and when he slides the door open the few kids that are in the class look up. Taekwoon’s not there, and Hakyeon’s eyes fly to the desk by the corner in the window. Hakyeon swallows thickly at the scratches, curse words dragged deep into the wood and some sort of dirty liquid that smells foul on the seat. Taekwoon isn’t anywhere he can see. “Where’s Taekwoon?” He demands, to one of the students nearby. She hesitates, but he grabs her arms hard enough to bruise and she stutters out  _bathroom, I think_. 

Hakyeon runs to the bathroom to find Taekwoon with his uniform jacket off, carefully washing it at the sink. There’s dirty water dripping from his hair onto his pale skin, and his eyes are brimmed red like he’s been crying or he’s trying not to cry. “Woon,” he calls, and Taekwoon’s eyes fly to him and then sink back down. Hakyeon tries to come closer but Taekwoon steps away, head bowed and hands trembling where he’s clutching his soaked jacket.  

Hakyeon’s heart breaks. It’s the same response Taekwoon has to the other kids whenever they try to talk to him. Hakyeon has never had Taekwoon step back away from him. Even when Hakyeon got too clingy and annoying, Taekwoon would make half-hearted efforts to push him away but never step back himself. That was reserved for the people he was scared of. “Woonie, I’m so sorry.” Hakyeon whispers, taking another step. Taekwon takes another step back, hands trembling even more and Hakyeon wonders if he’s crying. “I’m so, so sorry,” he whispers, again, reaching his hand out but not taking another step. “I was being stupid because of some stupid- I dreamed about you. And I just - got so fucking embarrassed, and I didn’t know that this would happen.” 

Taekwoon glances up at him quickly and sinks his gaze again, but now when Hakyeon takes a step, Taekwoon doesn’t step back so Hakyeon takes the soaked jacket from him. “Stay here, okay? I’ll be right back. I’m just gonna go get your gym uniform.” Taekwoon shakes his head at that. “..Is that ruined, too? Okay, no worries. I’ll go get mine. It’s gonna be a little short on you but it’ll do for now. I’ll be back in two minutes, okay?” He waits for Taekwoon’s nod before he runs, stopping not even at Hongbin’s question to grab his gym uniform from his locker and run back to the bathroom. 

   
Taekwoon’s managed to wash the grimy liquid out of his hair and off his face by the time Hakyeon gets back, and Hakyeon helps him redress into Hakyeon’s uniform. The top is okay, but the legs are a little - a lot - short and Taekwoon smiles shyly, poking Hakyeon’s legs. “Yeah, yeah, you’ve got long legs, woo hoo, big news.” Hakyeon rolls his eyes, squeezing Taekwoon’s hands.  

He tugs Taekwoon up to the roof, their hands squeezed tightly within one another’s. The school bell rings, and it’s the first time either of them ever have skipped a class. It feels nice, though, and Hakyeon flops over, resting his head on Taekwoon’s lap. The sky’s bluer than Hakyeon’s ever seen it, and the spring breeze is warm around them. Taekwoon pokes his forehead. “You ant to know what I dreamed about,” Hakyeon hums.  

And suddenly he’s not scared of Taekwoon knowing because Taekwoon’s smiling at him, looking comfortable in Hakyeon’s small gym clothes. He tells Taekwoon, and Taekwoon coughs in embarssment and blushes. Hakyeon looks up, and Taekwoon looks so nice, a flush spread across his pale cheeks, and Hakyeon sits up to press his lips against Taekwoon’s. 

He’s not even surprised when Taekwoon reaches for him, interlacing their fingers together and starts kissing back. Hakyeon grins and makes Taekwoon blush when he presses their foreheads together. “Taekwoon, I love you.” 

Taekwoon looks at him for a long, long time before he closes his eyes and whispers the first words Hakyeon has ever heard, in a voice so soft and melodious it throws Hakyeon into a daze, “I love you, too.” 


End file.
